Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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