I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
