I can tuck mytits in my pants
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
