I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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