I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
