dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
