nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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