Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
