it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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