Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
