He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize