I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
