i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
