if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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