We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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