Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she told me i tasted like america
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
