their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
