did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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