Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
