You can't special order awesome
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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