Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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