there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Drunk is not a location!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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