I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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