we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
