all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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