I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
false alarm, still single
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
