did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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