My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
