Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
