ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
