Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
