In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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