I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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