some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
this boner is exhausting
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
