I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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