he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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