you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
