do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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