I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
