Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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