Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
