I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
