Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
