im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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