just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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