I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
