Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Operation Purity has been aborted
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
