does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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