I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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