i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
