i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
