you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
