I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
