how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
