32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
