Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
