I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Send help, water and tortillas.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
