And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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