Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
