i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
