How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
