I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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