Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
